Saturday, February 26, 2011
Where will we be next year. I can see you gone.
I'm falling away from my brother, he used to be a person that i looked up to, then he was the person i feared, then he was my friend, although i still feared him. Latest relationship status.Although i dislike seriously using this word, as its far to strong, i hate my own brother. I wish he were someone else.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
POP!
So, i dont cuss very often. But last night was fucking great!
Theres a guy i like, ive liked him for about 3 months now, and hes from my old school so he lives a while away, but i must admit, its so far from shallow i cant explain. We used to talk a lot on facebook, and we texted ALOT!
And then he started flirting with me and then i didnt hear from him for like 4 weeks.
But last night, we started talking again and he implied that he liked me, although im not reading into it because i dont want to be disappointed if i interpreted it wrong.
Anyway, i havent seen him for like 2 years now but he has the COOLEST personality out.
Hes super random and funny as hell. I quote "My octopus is going to turkey slap you with a wounder whip" Like WHAT IS THAT! :D
Anyway, enough about that.
So tonight i found out that one of my close mates is thin the RAH because he had a blood clot in his lung.
He died for a couple minutes but they resuscitated him. But hes alright now and should be back home in a couple days. :)
Anyway enough for tonight. My hopes go out to Spidur Monkehs sister (i wasnt sure on how to spell her name so yeeh) be strong little pumpkin. <3 im out~
Theres a guy i like, ive liked him for about 3 months now, and hes from my old school so he lives a while away, but i must admit, its so far from shallow i cant explain. We used to talk a lot on facebook, and we texted ALOT!
And then he started flirting with me and then i didnt hear from him for like 4 weeks.
But last night, we started talking again and he implied that he liked me, although im not reading into it because i dont want to be disappointed if i interpreted it wrong.
Anyway, i havent seen him for like 2 years now but he has the COOLEST personality out.
Hes super random and funny as hell. I quote "My octopus is going to turkey slap you with a wounder whip" Like WHAT IS THAT! :D
Anyway, enough about that.
So tonight i found out that one of my close mates is thin the RAH because he had a blood clot in his lung.
He died for a couple minutes but they resuscitated him. But hes alright now and should be back home in a couple days. :)
Anyway enough for tonight. My hopes go out to Spidur Monkehs sister (i wasnt sure on how to spell her name so yeeh) be strong little pumpkin. <3 im out~
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Dear Spidur Monkeeh
I wish i was there for you.
I wish that when you needed me you could find me by your side.
Trust me that's all i want.
I miss you so much, and i think i drown the feeling of that because i figure its easier to drown the thing that hurts most.
But its really getting to me, i don't have my best friend.
And she needs me.
I feel like Ive betrayed her.
I wish i was there for my Spiduur Monkeeh.
Theres nothing i wish for more.
I want you to be able to pour out to me, and im not there.
I promise someday ill be there again, when ever you need me to be.
I wish that when you needed me you could find me by your side.
Trust me that's all i want.
I miss you so much, and i think i drown the feeling of that because i figure its easier to drown the thing that hurts most.
But its really getting to me, i don't have my best friend.
And she needs me.
I feel like Ive betrayed her.
I wish i was there for my Spiduur Monkeeh.
Theres nothing i wish for more.
I want you to be able to pour out to me, and im not there.
I promise someday ill be there again, when ever you need me to be.
On the brightside
Whats your opinion
Spiduur mahn.
Or Baatmaan. ;)
Its a hard decision, there both babes. :P
Spiduur mahn.
Or Baatmaan. ;)
Its a hard decision, there both babes. :P
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Needing to get it out.
So basically. This is me. The real me, the one i cant keep out, the over opinionated, angry, rude and senseless me.
This is my negative side.
It's the last thing anyone wants to hear but i need it out. so here it goes. Here is the story.
Last year, i met a guy named Ben, he was incredible, we got along so well, and within a couple weeks we were hanging out every day, just chilling out talking, watching movies playing games doing random dorky shit together.
A month later, i got a call from my best friend Georgia at about 3 25 am, she sounded really stressed and she was my best friend i was worried, i rushed out to find her and see her and talk to her about what was wrong, i found her walking through the dark down my street, we started walking towards Bens, we'd made a bit of a habit of going and seeing him at night, although she had to sneak out, she turned the other way when we got to the end of my street and i asked her why she sounded so upset on the phone, she told me that she though she may have made a mistake and that she lost her virginity to Ben. Of course i did the concerned friend thing, "Did you use protection? I hope you know that you're never getting that back" kind of thing. Anyway. After then Ben and Georgia were in a controversial relationship. Ben was concerned about what people would say if they knew he the 16 year old was going out with Georgia the 13 year old.
And through all this i grew closer to him, he saved my life, quite literally, when my depression got the better of me and i wanted out he held me back and kept me safe. And he promised me somewhere to run "Whenever you are lost , and you cant do anything but cry, i want you to come here, i want to keep you safe"
Mine and Georgia's relationship fell apart, although she still meant the world to me.
One night Georgia threatened me with her life, she didn't do it in words, or in writing, but in movement and promises. I searched the town frantically to find her and keep her safe. I called any number of association i had and so did Ben.
The next day i called her and you know what she told me when i asked her if she was ok "Im fine whats the big deal?"
That simple?
Anyway, lets skip all the nonsense. after 5 months Ben left, on good terms to start with, but with what happened to Georgia, it turned to bad.
I needed someone to blame someone other than myself. Before she met him she was strong and pure with the world glued to her back, she was smart and beautiful and glowing, i used to envy her.
He left and she lost all self respect, dignity, love, life, sanity. She lost her beauty. And i blamed him. I could have kept her safe it was my fault.
With everything that happened, i feel weak to influence.
some people around me, very close people, were tied in with drug addictions and alcoholism, and i was dealing with him all the time, i hated him. But i loved him.
And then i started hanging out with him and i realised how happy he was doing what he was doing, i was 13 and every weekend i was drinking and smoking and doing drugs, im not proud.
Then it turned into every night, my education was going down the drain and so was my hope. anyway, the guy i was close to ended up with schizophrenia and my world turned upside down. Suddenly alot of things were given reasoning, and alot of things scared me.
There were many incidents that left me horrified, but i dont want to complain, there was nothing he could have done to stop it.
And every time someone started yelling i took the fight for flight method, i mean even if it was a simple argument i would run as fast as i could, no matter the circumstance, one night i ran out without shoes and nowhere to go, i was running that fast i ran through glass without realising, and my road on my feet hurt enough without glass in my feet.
Anyway, he moved out and my friendship group grew larger and larger, and soon enough i was hanging out with people just like him to fill the void.
And with that, i didnt stop the drugs or drinking, and I got my friend Georgia into them too.
Now shes hooked, and im trying to keep away from it all. But to keep away from the habits means to keep away from my best friend.
Im beginning to exclude myself from the world as a simple solution.
So there you go, that's part of my story. :) And im happy now. It would seem selfish of me to not have been happy through any of it really. There's alot worse situation i could have been in, situations that people are in.
This is my negative side.
It's the last thing anyone wants to hear but i need it out. so here it goes. Here is the story.
Last year, i met a guy named Ben, he was incredible, we got along so well, and within a couple weeks we were hanging out every day, just chilling out talking, watching movies playing games doing random dorky shit together.
A month later, i got a call from my best friend Georgia at about 3 25 am, she sounded really stressed and she was my best friend i was worried, i rushed out to find her and see her and talk to her about what was wrong, i found her walking through the dark down my street, we started walking towards Bens, we'd made a bit of a habit of going and seeing him at night, although she had to sneak out, she turned the other way when we got to the end of my street and i asked her why she sounded so upset on the phone, she told me that she though she may have made a mistake and that she lost her virginity to Ben. Of course i did the concerned friend thing, "Did you use protection? I hope you know that you're never getting that back" kind of thing. Anyway. After then Ben and Georgia were in a controversial relationship. Ben was concerned about what people would say if they knew he the 16 year old was going out with Georgia the 13 year old.
And through all this i grew closer to him, he saved my life, quite literally, when my depression got the better of me and i wanted out he held me back and kept me safe. And he promised me somewhere to run "Whenever you are lost , and you cant do anything but cry, i want you to come here, i want to keep you safe"
Mine and Georgia's relationship fell apart, although she still meant the world to me.
One night Georgia threatened me with her life, she didn't do it in words, or in writing, but in movement and promises. I searched the town frantically to find her and keep her safe. I called any number of association i had and so did Ben.
The next day i called her and you know what she told me when i asked her if she was ok "Im fine whats the big deal?"
That simple?
Anyway, lets skip all the nonsense. after 5 months Ben left, on good terms to start with, but with what happened to Georgia, it turned to bad.
I needed someone to blame someone other than myself. Before she met him she was strong and pure with the world glued to her back, she was smart and beautiful and glowing, i used to envy her.
He left and she lost all self respect, dignity, love, life, sanity. She lost her beauty. And i blamed him. I could have kept her safe it was my fault.
With everything that happened, i feel weak to influence.
some people around me, very close people, were tied in with drug addictions and alcoholism, and i was dealing with him all the time, i hated him. But i loved him.
And then i started hanging out with him and i realised how happy he was doing what he was doing, i was 13 and every weekend i was drinking and smoking and doing drugs, im not proud.
Then it turned into every night, my education was going down the drain and so was my hope. anyway, the guy i was close to ended up with schizophrenia and my world turned upside down. Suddenly alot of things were given reasoning, and alot of things scared me.
There were many incidents that left me horrified, but i dont want to complain, there was nothing he could have done to stop it.
And every time someone started yelling i took the fight for flight method, i mean even if it was a simple argument i would run as fast as i could, no matter the circumstance, one night i ran out without shoes and nowhere to go, i was running that fast i ran through glass without realising, and my road on my feet hurt enough without glass in my feet.
Anyway, he moved out and my friendship group grew larger and larger, and soon enough i was hanging out with people just like him to fill the void.
And with that, i didnt stop the drugs or drinking, and I got my friend Georgia into them too.
Now shes hooked, and im trying to keep away from it all. But to keep away from the habits means to keep away from my best friend.
Im beginning to exclude myself from the world as a simple solution.
So there you go, that's part of my story. :) And im happy now. It would seem selfish of me to not have been happy through any of it really. There's alot worse situation i could have been in, situations that people are in.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Iced Cream. ^_^
This is a simple horror.
I just saw the twilight premiere add on channel ten.
Just seeing it depressed me, i can imagine all the tweenies making a group movie night of this and having a sleepover.
Briading eachothers hair and talking about whos 'team' there on.
I know this might sound a bit close minded, but i cant see how practically 70 percent of the society fell so deeply in love with the movie series.
The books were pretty good, assuming the fact that i read them before they were really heard about.
And it seems that draging it out into a movie could have taken it a little too far.
Anyway, im out, its ice cream time.
I just saw the twilight premiere add on channel ten.
Just seeing it depressed me, i can imagine all the tweenies making a group movie night of this and having a sleepover.
Briading eachothers hair and talking about whos 'team' there on.
I know this might sound a bit close minded, but i cant see how practically 70 percent of the society fell so deeply in love with the movie series.
The books were pretty good, assuming the fact that i read them before they were really heard about.
And it seems that draging it out into a movie could have taken it a little too far.
Anyway, im out, its ice cream time.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Teach me to put on a shirt?
So today i woke at about 1.
Walked outside and that damn dog had totally wrecked everything!
so of course, i cleaned it up.
Then i walked into the kitchen, to find my mum talking to my mate Georgia. In a state of social nervousness, i ran into my room got changed in a rush, and walked out into the lounge room to find her standing there, looked down at myself to find i was wearing my shirt inside out. -.-
This was rather disappointing. I cant even dress myself.
Walked outside and that damn dog had totally wrecked everything!
so of course, i cleaned it up.
Then i walked into the kitchen, to find my mum talking to my mate Georgia. In a state of social nervousness, i ran into my room got changed in a rush, and walked out into the lounge room to find her standing there, looked down at myself to find i was wearing my shirt inside out. -.-
This was rather disappointing. I cant even dress myself.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Damn Mosquitos.
So its been a while.
And im working pretty well on my resolution, ive been cutting out my negative influences and im actually very happy.
Apart from these damn mosqitos that keep biting me.
Does anyone have some Rid.
This is basically just a general blog, which i guess i never spoke about when i first started, but basically anything remotely un-interesting, or even interesting ill probably bring up.
So my mum got this dog, shes claming its her christmas present, and all it seems to do is get under my feet and chew everything up.
Really everything. My shoes, my books, my cat, it rips my posters off my walls and chews on them for Christ sakes.
Anyway, it's driving me insane, it only ever seems to be destroying my belongings.
And Ive tried, but it seems there is no training this dog, it goes hyper and wrecks things when you use positive reinforcement and with negative it just starts barking at you, and trust me when it starts it never stops.
I only really brang up this topic because when i went to make a new post she was attacking my cat.
Anyway, im going to try to be posting more often i think its doing me good. :)
And im working pretty well on my resolution, ive been cutting out my negative influences and im actually very happy.
Apart from these damn mosqitos that keep biting me.
Does anyone have some Rid.
This is basically just a general blog, which i guess i never spoke about when i first started, but basically anything remotely un-interesting, or even interesting ill probably bring up.
So my mum got this dog, shes claming its her christmas present, and all it seems to do is get under my feet and chew everything up.
Really everything. My shoes, my books, my cat, it rips my posters off my walls and chews on them for Christ sakes.
Anyway, it's driving me insane, it only ever seems to be destroying my belongings.
And Ive tried, but it seems there is no training this dog, it goes hyper and wrecks things when you use positive reinforcement and with negative it just starts barking at you, and trust me when it starts it never stops.
I only really brang up this topic because when i went to make a new post she was attacking my cat.
Anyway, im going to try to be posting more often i think its doing me good. :)
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